


Outsider

by PinkEasterEggs



Series: IronDad Prompts To Warm And Break Your Heart [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Big Brother Peter Parker, Brother-Sister Relationships, Father-Son Relationship, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, No Spider-Man Far From Home Spilers, No Spoilers, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-06-25 23:10:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19755667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkEasterEggs/pseuds/PinkEasterEggs
Summary: “You know,” his Dad mused when they were halfway through the bread and the ducks were all swimming around them. “I used to come here during the 5 years when you were . . . gone.”Peter didn’t know what to say, he’d half expected his Dad to of brought Morgan.“I never brought any bread,” Tony sighed. “I just sat on that park bench for hours. I thought about bringing Morgan one year but . . . i wanted this place to be ours and ours only.”Peter couldn’t even say how much that meant to him.“You’ve changed,” Peter admitted. His Dad had created a whole new life for himself, one that Peter wasn’t really sure where he fit. All of his stuff had been thrown out and the Tower was sold.“I know,” Tony sighed, ducking his head down to kiss Peter’s crown. “But i’ll always be your Dad."Peter tries to find his place in the world after the Avengers defeated Thanos. As much as he knows he's loved, he can't shake the feelings of being replaced when he comes into a new world where his father is now married and had another child.(No Spider-Man Far From Home Spoilers)#10: Biological Child





	1. Chapter 1

Peter stared around his room with a blank look on his face. It wasn’t really his room per se, it was just one of the spare rooms in his Dad and Pepper’s cabin home that they’d deemed fit for him to move into now that the entire ‘blip’ ordeal was over. Peter didn’t really get the house, running his fingers over the wood; his entire life, his Dad had been all about the extravagant stuff. Fast cars and advanced technology— they used to live in a Malibu Mansion that overlooked the sea . . . but now, his Dad seemed to have settled on a simple home made of wood that sat by a lake.

His room didn’t really feel like Peter’s, or at least it didn’t in the way his old room in Malibu had. Or even the room he’d owned in the Tower after 2012 and the Avengers Initiative (and later the destruction of the Malibu Mansion) had forced him and his Dad to relocate across the country. Those rooms had felt like home, with Star Wars posters and Lego pieces on the floor. His Malibu room had been double the size of the room Peter was standing in now, overlooking the sea and filled to the brim of memories and toys. It had been his childhood room.

This room had no memories or anything that made Peter feel warm. His Dad had tried to make it as ‘Peter’ as he could, having brought Lego and posters to decorate the room. There was even the Spider-Man lamp that his Dad had brought a year ago (6 years in reality since the ‘blip’ seemed to of messed up everyone’s timelines) after Peter had proven himself capable of being a superhero, bringing down the Vulture and saving his Dad’s stuff. The lamp had been a way of Tony proving he was proud of who his son was, superhero warts and all.

But now, the lamp seemed like a mockery. Time had passed, people had moved on and this lamp wasn’t the original one his Dad had brought straight after the Vulture incident. Peter had seen his Dad’s shopping receipt only a few days after the end battle when Carol Danvers had snapped her fingers and destroyed all of Thanos’ army; he’d seen the long list of stuff Tony had brought to make Peter feel more like he was home. That lamp had been on the list.

In all honesty, Peter knew all of the decorations and toys in his so-called room were fake. His Dad had clearly thrown away all of Peter’s old things because none of the posters or Lego’s currently in his room now were the ones he’d owned throughout his childhood. His Star Wars bedsheets were too scratchy to have been the ones he’d slept in every single night for years before the blip. His game controllers no longer had the chocolate stain on the right handle from when Ned had dropped some food on it during a sleepover, not noticing until the chocolate had dried and stained. His Luke Skywalker poster no longer had the fake Mark Hamill signature that Peter knew Clint had secretly done but he’d pretended to believe had come from the Jedi actor himself.

It was all wrong and Peter didn’t like it. But then, ever since the Hulk snapped his fingers and all the ‘blipped’ people came back, nothing had really seemed right.

——————

“Morgan, use a knife and fork please,” Pepper sighed, reaching over the table to where Peter’s 4 year old half-sister was picking up her food with chubby fingers before shoving it in her mouth. Pepper helped cut up some of her vegetables and meat before giving the girl a pointed look as she held out the fork. Tony just chuckled at the young girl’s antics, a look of love on his face as the 4 year old finally used her fork to pick up her carrots.

“So, Pete,” Tony cleared his throat when he turned away from Morgan and looked towards his teenage son. “I didn’t know if you wanted some more things for your room? We can buy some more furniture if you want? A desk, maybe?”

Peter used to have a desk in his old room at the Tower. It had been made of oak and Ned had written ‘PS+NL=BFFs’ on one of the leg stands. MJ had stuck a female empowerment sticker on the other leg stand. That was properly long gone now.

Peter just shrugged, shoving some more food into his mouth so he didn’t have to answer.

“We can get you some more posters and stuff, too?” His Dad pressed on, watching Peter intently as the teen kept his Dad down. “What about more Lego?”

Peter was about to reply when Morgan cut in, her eyes widening and focusing on their Dad. “Can i have Lego too Daddy?” Her voice was full of excitement and Peter watched as a smile grew on Tony’s face, a hand stretching out to ruffle the 4 year old’s hair that was exact same shade as Peter’s but with less curls.

“Of course you can Morguna!” Morgan giggled at their father’s nickname for her, squealing with delight as he gently tickled her across the table. Peter watched the entire exchange with a sort of numbness, his eyes flitting to where Pepper was staring at her husband and daughter with a softness on her face and love shining clearly through her eyes.

Sometimes Peter didn’t feel like he ever truly came back from the ‘blip’.

——————

“What is it like having a sibling?” Peter asked Ned as they sat down on a park bench, the sun shining down bright and warming all of his face. It had taken his Dad a lot of convincing but eventually Tony had agreed for Happy to drive Peter into the city so the boy could go see his friend. With everyone coming back from the ‘blip’, all of the schools were at a loss of what to do so the school year had been temporarily frozen for the time being.

“Shouldn’t you know the answer to that?” Ned licked at the ice cream in his hand, frowning slightly at Peter’s question. There were kids running around the park near them, all of them loud and reminding Peter of Morgan. “You have a sister now, right?”

Peter was suddenly jealous of Ned, shrugging. Everyone in Ned’s immediate family had been ‘blipped’, they’d all turned to dust when Thanos had snapped his fingers and reappeared when the Hulk snapped 5 years later. Ned’s family hadn’t spent 5 years without him, moving on from him, throwing away his things or replacing him. Ned hadn’t come back from the ‘blip’ to find out he now had a 4 year old sister.

“Everything you’re feeling dude,” Ned carried on, licking away at his ice cream. “Is all natural. Being the older sibling is hard; when Nelly was born, i really thought my parents had forgotten i existed. When parents have another kid, they put all their focus on the new one because they’re young and need more help but that doesn’t mean your Dad and Pepper don’t love you any less, Peter.”

Peter nodded, taking in all of his best friend’s words. The only thing was: this wasn’t like Peter was just suffering from going from an only child to having a younger sibling. He’d died. He’d died in his father’s arms, his entire body turning to dust (“I don’t wanna go, Dad, please I don’t wanna go”) and then almost like blinking, he’d woken up completely fine. Except his Dad had no longer been on Titan and Dr Strange had said that his Dad was in trouble and that 5 years had passed and in that time, his Dad had moved on. 

His Dad, the one who brought anything and everything fast and fancy, had settled down in a cabin home and married the woman he loved and together they’d brought a daughter into the world. The man who had once missed one or two of Peter’s science fairs because of an Avengers level threat he had to go solve and used to spend days and hours down in the lab designing better and faster Iron Man suits, was suddenly retired and spending his days by a cute lake house with his new child.

Peter’s Dad felt like a new person to him, with grey in his hair and more wrinkles around his eyes. He didn’t seem like the man who’d once yelled at Peter when he’d discovered the truth about Spider-Man or even like the guy who’d told his son that Titan was a one-way ticket. Tony was calmer around Morgan, like she’d evened out his edges. 

Peter couldn’t understand how Morgan’s existence had managed to tame Tony in a way that Peter had never been able to.

——————

Someone was knocking on his door, Peter could hear their soft taps against the wood even with the headphones blasting music into his ears. He was trying to catch up on all the newest tunes from the last 5 years; the last he’d known, God’s Plan and Sunflower had been all he’d heard on the Radio. But the other day, he’d been driving around with his Dad and he’d not recognised any of the songs coming through the speakers. 

“Come in,” Peter yelled just loud enough for the person outside to hear. He expected his Dad to walk in as he took off his headphones but instead of the tall, bearded man, a little girl shuffled in. She was dressed in pyjamas, indicating it was almost time for bed and her hair was slightly damp from just getting out the bath. “Oh, uh, hi Morgan,” Peter smiled awkwardly at her.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Morgan. She was cute and Peter could see why his Dad and Pepper were so in love with her but each time he stared at her face, he couldn’t help but see all he’d missed. He hadn’t been there for her birth, nor when she’d taken her first steps or spoken her first words. 

He should be 21 years old now, legally able to drink and be the big brother that Morgan looks up to and tells all her school friends about. He should be getting his life together, finding a job and an apartment of his own, letting his little sister stay with him on nights that their parents want to go out and have a break. He should know that Morgan never replaced him, having been there every step of the way when his Dad got married and Pepper revealed she was pregnant. He shouldn’t have woken up from what felt like a two-second nap to find out that 5 years had passed, he was still 16 years old and his Dad had moved on.

“Hi Petey,” Morgan spoke shyly, shuffling from foot to foot. She looked a little like him, with the same hair colour and eye colour. They both resembled their Dad more than their mothers (Peter had only ever seen pictures of the woman who’d slept with his Dad once before dumping him on Tony’s doorstep 16—or 21— years ago). “Do you wanna watch a film with us? Daddy said to ask you.”

Daddy. Peter wasn’t sure why that hurt his heart; he was long past the stage where he called his Dad Daddy, now. Maybe it was the fact that Morgan calling Tony Daddy just proved they shared the same father. That Peter was no longer an only child and that his Dad had managed to move on from his death.

“Uh sure,” Peter nodded, getting up and following the little girl to the living room. He didn’t want to go and he wasn’t in the mood for whatever Disney film Morgan was obsessed with that he had never seen because it had been released during the ‘blip’. But if he didn’t go, his Dad would just come into his room and drag him out. 

It was strange, before the whole Thanos thing, Tony always let Peter do his own thing. If Peter was too busy being a teenager and staying in his room, his Dad wouldn’t force him to socialise with him or the rest of the Avengers. But post Thanos, it seemed that was no longer a thing. Family time seemed to have doubled and Peter had no choice but to comply. 

Morgan slipped her tiny hand into Peter’s larger one, walking by his side as they made their way to the living room. It was no secret that Peter avoided his sister, hardly ever spending time with her and keeping out of her way. Maybe if Morgan had been born when Peter was 12, this sort of behaviour would be normal and typical of a teenage boy. But nevertheless, it was clear his avoidance of Morgan was starting to hurt the young girl and Tony alike.

Which was probably why his Dad had sent her to get him for the movie.

——————

Morgan fell asleep in Tony’s arms before the movie was even halfway through. She began snoring before Moana had even met Maui (Peter had no doubt his father had chosen Moana simply because it would be a Disney film the teenage boy would remember) and his Dad followed in her footsteps soon after. By the time the credits rolled around, only Peter and Pepper were awake. 

Pepper sat curled up next to her husband, her eyes drooping shut as she yawned. It wasn’t even that late but Peter had found his Dad and Pepper seemed to get tired a lot faster with Morgan around now. 

“Um, goodnight,” Peter spoke softly as he got up off the sofa. The trio were cuddled up on the long sofa, Tony in the middle with Morgan on his lap and Pepper by his right, whilst Peter had chosen to sit on the single sofa beside them. His Dad had tried to get Peter to sit beside him on his left but the boy had just shaken his head.

“G’night darling,” Pepper mumbled, her eyes falling shut as she rested her cheek against Tony’s shoulder. 

Peter spared a glance at the three of them as he left, finally realising how much of an Outsider he was in his own family.

——————

When he’d been growing up, Peter’s favourite animal had been a duck. He wasn’t sure why or how it came to be but from a young age until a few years ago, Peter had loved ducks. When they’d moved to New York, Peter just 12 years old going on 13, his Dad had brought him to Central Park for the first time to feed the ducks. Tony had worn a hat and shades the entire time so thankfully, no one had noticed the billionaire playing with his son by duck pond, throwing pieces of bread for them to feed on. 

After that day, it had become a tradition for Tony and Peter to go feed the ducks on that same day each year. Without fail, they’d be there by that same pond, throwing bread into the murky water.

Peter should’ve known that after 5 years, his Dad would’ve jumped at the chance to finally continue the tradition. Tony had brought enough to feed half of New York as he parked the car close to their infamous pond spot, both father and son weaving through the park until they were there.

“You know,” his Dad mused when they were halfway through the bread and the ducks were all swimming around them. “I used to come here during the 5 years when you were . . . gone.”

Peter didn’t know what to say, he’d half expected his Dad to of brought Morgan. 

“I never brought any bread,” Tony sighed. “I just sat on that park bench for hours. I thought about bringing Morgan one year but . . . i wanted this place to be ours and ours only.”

Peter couldn’t even say how much that meant to him. He just nodded, trying to pretend that nothing bad had happened and that this wasn’t the first time they’d gone to the duck pond in 5 years for his Dad. He tried to pretend that it was still 2018, Peter had gone on his school trip to MOMA without any problems and his Dad was still only his.

“I love you Dad,” Peter replied, his voice tight as he ripped off more bread before throwing it out for the ducks to feast upon. The sun was shining down on them, making the water sparkle as ripples echoed across the waves with each piece of bread being thrown.

“I love you too Pete,” his Dad wrapped an arm around him, pulling Peter into his chest just like they used to do all the time before Thanos and had stopped doing after Thanos.

“You’ve changed,” Peter admitted, feeling stronger to say it out loud when his face was pressed against his Dad’s chest and not looking him in the eye. He wasn’t stupid, Peter knew that time changed people. Time made people grow and heal. Peter had died and time had passed and Tony had healed. His Dad had created a whole new life for himself, one that Peter wasn’t really sure where he fit. All of his stuff had been thrown out and the Tower was sold. 

“I know,” Tony sighed, ducking his head down to kiss Peter’s crown. “But i’ll always be your Dad."

——————

It wasn’t just Peter’s immediate family that changed significantly but his extended family was different now, too. 

His Uncle Steve had decided to stay in the past, leaving Peter behind for the second time (or was it just once because he still hadn’t seen the man since 2016 when the Avengers broke up and he hadn’t been there in the 5 year ‘blip’ to make up with his once favourite Uncle) and was now old, having given the mantle of Captain America to Sam. 

Uncle Clint was fully retired now, living the rest of his life off with his family; the pain of having lost them all for 5 years being enough to make him never want to leave again. 

Uncle Bruce was now the Hulk (Peter had no idea how that happened) permanently and had made no move to try and reverse it. In all honesty, Peter wasn’t sure what he was meant to call the man now: was it Uncle Bruce or Uncle Hulk? Either way, he didn’t really see much of the guy anymore just like the rest of the original Avengers.

Uncle Thor was off-world yet again, having gone off with the Guardians of the Galaxy after Aunt Nat’s funeral. He’d seemed more like a broken shell of a man compared to the booming, always-happy Uncle that Peter remembered from his childhood. The dude had even worn crocs at the funeral— if that wasn’t a clear sign of his internal suffering, Peter didn’t know what was.

And then Aunt Nat. . . Peter didn’t even want to think about her otherwise he would start crying again. The day after the final battle, when Thanos was nothing but dust and everyone was rejoicing and celebrating the fact that it was no longer the end of the world, Peter had looked around for his favourite Aunt. “She died,” Clint had choked out when they all reached his Dad’s cabin, everyone ready to just collapse and sleep for a decade. “She sacrificed herself for the stone.”

Peter had cried all night into his Dad’s shoulder when he’d found out, his chest heaving as he sobbed harder and harder. He still remembered the first time he’d met his Aunt, back when she’d been known as Natalie Rushman and she’d flipped Happy over despite him weighing double her size. He remembered how she always looked out for him, coming around when she had the time off SHIELD just to see him (and because it drove his Dad crazy). He remembered her teaching him basic spy tactics and staying up late to watch movies with him when his Dad reluctantly agreed. 

And then as suddenly as what seemed like blinking, he’d ‘blipped’ and woken up again and in that time, his Aunt had died. Nat had died sacrificing her life so Peter and trillions of other people could continue their lives and be reunited with their loved ones.

“You look a little misty eyed over there, kiddo,” Bucky walked forward, a teasing smirk on his face but concern behind his eyes. His hair was longer than it had ever been now, tied up into a small bun at the nape of his neck. Sam always said it looked stupid but Peter disagreed.

“Just thinking,” Peter shrugged, digging his hands into his pockets. It was the second weekend of the month so he was back at the Compound, hanging out with the remaining Avengers. His Dad didn’t like him coming over too often and refused point blank to go himself, so every month on the second weekend, Happy would drive Peter up to the Compound to spend one night before going back home. (If the cabin by the lake was really his home).

“Don’t do too much of that,” Sam teased. “You’ll give yourself a headache.”

Peter just rolled his eyes, despite it all he did enjoy Sam’s teasing. When everything else had changed: the original Avengers were done for good, his Dad had moved on with a new family that Peter still wasn’t sure he actually in to and the world seemed to have completely turned upside down after Thanos’ snap; Peter could appreciate Sam’s humour being his only constant.

“Don’t be mean,” Bucky rolled his eyes as he took a sip of whatever juice was in his glass. They were all outside, soaking up the summer sun in the massive Compound garden. 

It was a pure luck that Peter looked up at the Compound windows just as Wanda looked down to the garden, their eyes meeting for one-second before the woman turned away. Even though it had been a few months since the ‘blip’, Peter had yet to of seen much of Wanda. She kept to herself usually, grieving in the confines of her room.

Peter pushed himself up off the grass, rubbing his hands on his trousers as he began to wander down to her room’s direction. He’d never been particularly close to Wanda despite being closer in age but Peter figured that didn’t mean he shouldn’t try and reach out.

He paused outside one of the large bedrooms leading up to where Wanda’s was. It felt sort of like a moment in a horror movie as he turned the handle, something in the back of his mind screaming ‘no, don’t do it’ but he did it anyway. 

Peter wasn’t really sure what he’d been expecting when he walked inside the room, only to find it empty. Everything had been packed up and the posters had been ripped off the wall with such force that half of it was left hanging. There were marks on the carpet from where the furniture had been moved and thrown away.

Tears came to Peter’s eyes as he stared around what was left of his bedroom since he’d been 12, the room he’d fallen asleep in the night before his field trip to MoMA when everything had changed. And then suddenly he was awake after the ‘blip’ and this entire room was basically destroyed and he now had to call some small bedroom with fake Star Wars posters his home. His safe haven of a bedroom was gone; the place he used to call Ned and chat until the early hours of the morning to MJ was gone; the room he used to sneak into as Spider-Man was gone. 

“Peter?” Wanda’s voice was quiet as she gently knocked on his bedroom door, a small frown on her face as she watched him stand in the middle of the empty room with a blank expression. “Are you okay?”

Peter just shook his head, everything feeling too real as he sunk down onto the floor. It was so strange that, for him, it was only several months ago that he’d slept in this very room. In reality it had been 5 years and several months.

“I don’t know where i belong,” Peter admitted when Wanda moved to sit down next to him, her legs crossing over and her hands in her lap. 

“I know what you mean,” Wanda sighed. “I, too, struggle with that right now.”

“I’m sorry about Vision.”

“Me too,” Wanda’s voice was barely audible, her head hanging low so her hair created a curtain around her. “But it is getting better,” she nodded, lifting her head up and biting her lip. “It is hard, yes, but getting better. He wouldn’t want me to wallow in grief.” She gave Peter a pointed look. “Just like your father wouldn’t want you to push him away.”

“Everything has changed too much,” Peter shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself. He could feel the lump rising in his throat. “My room is gone. We’re in a new house. Dad’s married. He had another kid.”

“You haven’t been replaced.”

“I feel forgotten,” Peter bit back, wrapping his arms tighter until he knew he would bruise his forearms where his fingers were digging into the skin. “I feel like the world kept turning and the sun kept rising and at some point, my Dad moved on and started afresh. He made himself the perfect life, beating the mistakes he’d made in the past. He settled down, got married, had a kid made out of love. He didn’t go off and get drunk one night, knocking someone up and being left to raise that kid for 16 years.”

“Your father loves you,” Wanda breathed the words, giving Peter an unreadable expression. “I’ve never been too fond of Stark, i’ll admit. But his love for you is glaringly obvious.”

Peter nodded, taking in her words. He knew he was loved, his Dad had never been told he was loved or liked by Howard so his own love for his son had been drilled into Peter before he could even walk. But loving someone didn’t solve all the answers and make Peter’s feelings of hurt and loss go away. 

His Dad had moved on, plain and simple, love or not.

——————

It was a mistake to google his name, Peter realised. It was his last night at the Compound, sleeping in one of the spare rooms considering his bedroom had practically been demolished and all his furniture thrown away. He’d only ever googled himself a few times before the ‘blip’ and even then, the results hadn’t been exactly nice. The internet swarmed on baby pictures released by Stark Industries and paparazzi photos of Peter during childhood and adolescence as he walked the streets of Malibu or New York with either Uncle Rhodey, Happy, Pepper or his Dad in tow.

The first few articles all detailed the fact that he’d ‘blipped’. There wasn’t much to the story other than the devastating news and condolences to Tony Stark’s lost son. (There was something more tragic about a celebrity losing a child, something that made them seem more human and less invincible like they’re normally portrayed— that even celebrities can be touched by death and tragedy).

And then more articles came up about Morgan’s birth. In each one congratulating the happy couple for their new arrival, there would be one line about Peter’s lost life and how Morgan would now be heiress to Stark Industries and their father’s fortune after the son’s loss of life due to the snap. 

Peter couldn’t help but let a few tears slip down his face as he read the happy comments about Morgan’s birth and the thousands of people sending RIPs about his ‘blip’. Pictures comparing Peter as a baby and Morgan as a baby came up, people discussing the similarities between brother and sister and if Stark would even mention the loss of his son as his daughter grew up.

It was clear that Morgan was seen as his replacement in the eyes of others. A child born to help fill the hole that another one left behind . . . but what happened when the original came back?

He changed his search to include his birth year so the articles all dated back to his birth and not his death. Even in a time when the internet was new, there were thousands of stories about the announcement of Peter Stark and every gritty detail about his parentage. With Tony Stark as his father, Peter had come to learn that people really did care about every minor detail when it came to their lives.

‘TONY STARK FATHERS SON’

‘A NEW HEIR TO STARK’S LEGACY’

‘NIGHT GONE WRONG: HOW TONY STARK ENDED UP WITH A CHILD’

All the articles were the same, they all talked about his accidental conception and how his nameless mother had given him up. It was brutal but it was true. Peter had long since come to terms with the fact that his entire existence was a mistake; he was nothing more than a child born out of a one-night stand where both parties had been unfortunate enough to fall victim to.

Maybe that was why Peter didn’t like spending so much time around Morgan, Pepper and his Dad. He felt like he was intruding in on their little family, breaking up the perfect environment they had created full of love and support. It wasn’t that Peter didn’t feel loved but growing up, he’d always known that his birth had been an accident. All it took was one google search and every news report about his father in the years and months before his birth detailed drunken exploits. Peter was the product of alcohol and a broken condom— nothing more, nothing less.

Morgan, on the other hand, was born out of love and caring. Born to two parents who loved her and wanted her.

She was wanted where Peter had been a mistake.

Peter cried into his pillow that night.

——————

“Did you see Wanda?” Tony asked as he drove his son back to their cabin home. Normally Happy did the lifts but Tony had decided that he would rather pick Peter up that day. All the extra time with his son was a blessing in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Peter mumbled, his head pressed against the glass as he watched buildings pass by. Everything seemed so fleeting, like it was all passing him by in the blink of an eye. “Spoke to her too.”

“How’d she seem?” His Dad sounded worried, something in his tone showed he cared. Tony and Wanda had never been close, especially because of Ultron, but it was clear that it wasn’t all mistrust and dislike (on Tony’s side). He honestly didn’t like the idea of Wanda locking herself up in the Compound as she grieved for Vision but she’d refused all his invitations to stay with him or even come over for dinner. At least Sam and Bucky were around to spend time with her when they could.

Peter shrugged, a headache brewing. “Quiet,” he lied. If anything, Wanda had been the most vocal to him than he could ever remember. They’s spent what felt like hours talking about their lives post-snap and about all they’d lost. Wanda had constantly reassured Peter that he was loved and Peter had reassured Wanda that she wasn’t alone.

“Do you think she’d like to come down for dinner one day?”

Peter shrugged once more, the coolness of the window against his forehead feeling nice. “Maybe.”

“I’m sure Morgan’ll love her,” Tony mused.

Peter hummed in response. He just wished they could have one conversation without bringing up Morgan.

——————

Pepper came into his room later that night, carrying a bowl of soup. She placed it down on Peter’s bedside table and ran a hand through his hair with gentleness that only she possessed. Peter just laid in bed watching her, not knowing what to say or do.

“Tony said you felt sick,” she kept her voice low and fingers gentle as she looked down on him. Peter was pretty sure that the only one who actually believed his half-hearted lie to get out watching a movie as a family was Morgan and that was because she was 4 and couldn’t see through Peter yet.

Peter shrugged, knowing his voice would betray him if he answered her. He kept his eyes trained on Pepper and his body stiff; he felt oddly like a deer caught in headlights and completely at her mercy with whatever she was about to say.

It was weird really, he’s known Pepper his entire life. She’d been his Dad’s PA and Peter’s only maternal figure (until Aunt Nat when he’d been 9) for the majority of his life. But she was no longer Pepper: badass woman who babysat him when Tony had work to do or helped keep him in check when his Dad lost the reigns a little. Now she was his step-mother and for some reason, despite Pepper having been his only mother figure for years, it felt like that had shifted their relationship and jostled things around. Maybe if he’d been there when they’d married or for the time after their honeymoon it wouldn’t feel so jarring but one-second, their wedding had been months away and then boom, they were married for 5 years and settled into married life well.

“What’s wrong, Petey,” Pepper moved her hand down from Peter’s hair so it was cupping his cheek. “Something’s bothering you; your Dad and i just want to help.”

How could he say that he felt so lost to her face? How could he say he felt like he was intruding in the life she and his Dad had made post his death? How could he say that some days he wished he’d never come back because too many things had changed and he didn’t like it? 

“Nothing’s wrong Pepper,” Peter lied, shaking his head gently so her hand was no longer touching his face. “I really am sick.”

They both knew it was lies but Pepper didn’t call him out on it.

——————

On the day of his 16th birthday, last year (6 years in reality), Peter had woken up to the smell of pancakes and coffee in the morning. His Dad and Pepper had been pottering around in the kitchen and when Peter had walked in, his hair resembling a birds-nest, he’d been tackled into a large hug by his father and kissed on the forehead with a loud “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”.

Waking up on the day of his 17th birthday, Peter had immediately thought back to that moment, followed by the sobering thought that he should really be turning 22 today and not 17. He should already have his license and be legally able to drink. He should be driving down to come see his family to celebrate, trying to get the time off work so he could actually enjoy ageing. 

His morning followed much the same as his 16th; the smell of pancakes and coffee wafted in the air and when he walked into the kitchen with terrible bedhead, his Dad had immediately made a bee line for him and wrapped him into a bear hug. Except, this time, his Dad had held on for longer and tighter, his head pressed into Peter’s hair and when he’d pulled out, there had been tears in his eyes.

“Happy birthday kiddo,” he’d whispered with so much happiness and love that Peter had just ducked his head, pressing his forehead into his father’s chest. He tried not to think about all the other birthdays when Peter hadn’t been there for his birthday. He tried not to think about the day he really should’ve turned 17, 5 years ago, and how his death must’ve been so raw. Peter wondered if Morgan had been on her way at that point or if it was because of his missed 17th that she came to be.

“Happy birthday Petey!” Morgan rushed forward, throwing her chubby arms around Peter’s legs and digging her face into his shins. Despite Peter’s hesitance around her, she never seemed to falter. To her, he was her big brother plain and simple.

“Happy birthday Peter,” Pepper stepped forward, cupping his cheek with tears in her eyes as well. It suddenly struck the teen how hard his death must’ve hit Pepper as well, for she’d been a constant in his life since the day he’d been born. 

Unlike his 16th birthday, there was no party or large celebration. “I don’t want to share you,” his Dad had mumbled when Peter had asked why, for once in his life, Tony hadn’t made a bigger deal out of his birthday. Growing up, Peter had always had over-the-top party celebrations curtsey of his father’s massive wealth. It wasn’t like Peter was complaining, he’d never truly liked the huge party celebrations anyway. 

“I never thought we’d have this,” Tony had carried on, wrapping Peter up in another embrace, a few tears slipping down onto the teen’s shoulder.

Sometimes Peter wondered who had it harder: him, with his feelings of loss and being out of place in a world that had moved on, or his father, who had known true loss when Peter had died in his arms.

——————

“You have to pick something, Peter,” his Dad rubbed his forehead as they wandered through the mall. Peter had refused to ask for anything for his birthday so Tony had driven the entire family out to the shopping centre so the teen could choose what he wanted. They were currently wandering aimlessly around the crowded mall, a baseball hat and fake glasses on Tony’s head whilst Pepper just tied her hair up and wore a floppy hat. Only Peter and Morgan, who were less recognisable than their parents, went without disguises.

“But i really don’t want anything, Dad,” Peter sighed, scuffing his feet. They’d been at the mall for almost an hour and all they’d done was bicker about what present Peter could want.

“What about something Lego?” Tony ignored him, wandering up to a store window where there were lots of Lego displays. “We can get you another Death Star one and then you can invite Ned over to build it? How does that sound?”

Peter just shrugged, not really wanting to invite Ned over. He liked to pretend that the cabin house was only temporary but if Ned came over, it meant the house was really his new home and a place that his friends came over to hang out.

“Petey, what about a teddy like mine!” Morgan raised up her ragged old plushie in the shape of a bunny. One of the eyes were missing and the left ear looked ready to fall off. Peter recognised the bunny toy immediately, it had been a birthday present for him when he’d been 4 years old from Uncle Rhodey. He’d searched high and low for it after coming back from the ‘blip’ only to believe that it must’ve joined the rest of his stuff in being thrown out. But it turned out Morgan had had it the entire time.

The bunny looked worse than Peter had last seen it, the fur all clotted together and it had definitely had 2 eyes when in Peter’s care. Morgan’s chubby hands holding the bunny in a vice grip was squeezing at Peter’s heart and for a second all he wanted to do was yell.

“You can find a bunny like mine!” Morgan carried on, lifting the bunny up in the air and wagging it around. She was oblivious to Peter’s increasing anger at his childhood toy having been given away into her less-than-careful care.

He reached a hand out, grabbing the bunny from Morgan’s grip and holding it in his palm, just out of reach from where she was trying to jump to get it back.

“Hey!” Morgan pouted, looking close to tears as her brother held her toy too high for her to get it back. “Daddy, Petey stole Rabbit!”

Tony looked tired as he glanced between the pair; he was only half-paying attention, not noticing as his son slowly began to seethe. “Peter give the toy back.”

“You gave her my toy?” Peter glared at his father, mouth set into a grim line as he held the Rabbit tighter in his grip. He could still remember the pure joy he’d felt when he’d first gotten this toy 12 years ago (17 years ago to Tony) and how he’d kept the Rabbit close to him for years growing up. When his Dad had gone missing for 3 months in Afghanistan, the Rabbit had been the only thing that could make him sleep and eat despite his worry. When the Avengers had fought aliens back in 2012, the Rabbit had been pressed into his chest when Peter had watched his Dad fly a nuke into the wormhole on national television.

And now the Rabbit was in Morgan’s careless possession, one eye missing and the left ear bent wonkily. Peter wondered how little Tony had cared about him to have just given his most prized childhood toy away after he’d died to someone who didn’t even treat the toy with care.

“Peter,” his Dad gave him a pained look as Morgan began to fully cry, attracting attention from the people walking around them. She was bawling into Pepper’s shoulder, the woman having knelt down to try and calm her daughter. “Let’s discuss this at home; can you just give Morgan the toy back, please?”

Anger coursed through Peter’s veins as he stared down at the half-broken Rabbit that, to him, had been in his desk drawer only a few months ago. And now here it was, in reality 6 years later, having been given to his younger sister as if Peter’s own love for the toy meant nothing.

“Whatever,” Peter threw the toy down onto the floor, flinching when he heard it hit the ground, before turning and walking off in the opposite direction. He could hear his Dad yelling out his name as he waded through the crowds of people but Peter ignored him, instead shoving his headphones in and blasting the latest pop music of 2023 through the speakers until all he could hear were the singer’s auto-tuned voices.

——————

Peter had only been to Happy Hogan’s apartment once or twice in his life. Normally, if the man ever babysat him, the grumpy guy would come to where Peter lived— whether that was the Malibu Mansion or the Tower. So as Peter waded through the reception floor of Happy’s apartment building, he desperately tried to remember what number the Head of Security lived at. He’d taken the subway from the mall all the way here, his anger about the old toy still burning bright.

As Peter knocked on the door of the apartment he was only about 67% sure was actually Happy’s, he felt a sudden wave of fatigue rush over him. God, Peter was just so tired. He was tired of feeling left out, like life had passed him by and everyone had picked up and moved on from him. He was tired of constantly watching his father interact with Morgan, something burning in his chest as he felt like an intruder— like he no longer belonged.

All Peter wanted was for the 5 year ‘blip’ to have never happened and the year still be 2018. He wanted to actually be 17 years old without feeling weirded out over the fact he should really be turning 22. He wanted to preparing for his Dad’s wedding and be able to see Pepper walk down the aisle as he stood beside his father with an awestruck expression, ready to finally get a mum.

He didn’t want for his favourite Aunt to be dead. Or for his once trusted Uncle Steve to have just left, staying in the past with Peggy Carter. He didn’t want for Wanda to be grieving once again. 

He didn’t want a sister who’d taken his only beloved toy and destroyed it.

“Peter?” Happy frowned when he opened the door, beckoning the teen into his apartment. Being employed by Tony Stark meant the place was huge and decorative, the perfect amount of fancy and casual. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to get away,” Peter decided to tell the truth, not really revealing he’d practically run away from his father to get here.

“Get away from what?” Happy continued to frown, concern evident on his face. “It’s your birthday today— does Tony even know you’re here?”

Peter shakes his head and sits down on one of Happy’s plush sofas, curling up into a ball. He watches as Peter begins to cry, crouching down with a groan until he’s kneeling beside Peter’s head, one of his hands patting the teenager’s head softly. 

They sit like that for what seems like hours.

——————

Peter collapses into his Dad’s waiting arms when Happy eventually drives him home. They don’t say anything except just stand there, wrapped in each other’s embrace and drawing comfort from the other’s heat.

Peter realises that nothing is better than being in his Dad’s arms.

——————

The first time Peter went out as Spider-Man, it had been exhilarating. The feeling of the wind pushing against him as he swung from building to building, the weightlessness of it all— it had made Peter yell out excitement and happiness. 

Now, however, climbing into the suit felt less thrilling and more constricting. He was suddenly aware of every inch of the spandex pushing against him, digging into his skin and wrapping him up tightly. Swinging through the air, his webs attaching from one building to another, Peter was always alert to the fact that one tiny misstep and he would be plummeting down to the ground.

He wasn’t meant to be out as Spider-Man; ever since the running-away-from-the-mall incident on his birthday a few weeks ago, his Dad had locked down on punishments. Peter was more than half sure that the only reason he’d been banned from going out in general was simply because his running away had reminded Tony of just how easy it was to lose his son and he wanted to keep him as close by as possible.

But Peter had been restless that night and his feet had made the decision to break the rules without his brain agreeing. He’d been out of his bedroom window, dressed in his suit, and stealing one of his Dad’s cars before Peter had even second guessed his stupid choices.

It was weird, before the ‘blip’ all Peter would do was go out as Spider-Man. It used to drive his Dad crazy. But now, he hadn’t wanted to do it once. Even dressed in his suit now, all Peter was doing was sitting on a building rooftop and watching the city pass him by. Even past midnight, Queens was still roaring with life.

“Peter, your father is calling,” Karen’s soft voice drifted into Peter’s subconsciousness, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

“Deny it,” Peter sighed. He knew he was in trouble already so why not just add to it? At least being in trouble felt like the only remotely normal thing to have occurred in months. “Deny all calls and texts going to the suit. I wanna go completely offline.”

“I’m not sure this is the best decision, Peter—“

“Just do it Karen. Please.”

“Very well,” if his AI could sigh, Peter was sure she would’ve at that point. “Disabling all communication to and from the suit until the foreseeable future.”

For the first time in months, Peter was able to just enjoy the freedom.

——————

“Apparently you’re grounded,” Clint gave Peter a smirk as the teenager walked through the door to the retired Avenger’s house. “Which means i’m under strict orders to not let you out.”

“Dad’s being overprotective,” Peter sighed, watching as his Dad grabbed the bags from the car’s trunk before following his son inside Clint’s house. “I just went out as Spider-Man for a few hours.”

“You went out as Spider-Man even after i told you not to and then turned the suit offline,” his Dad glared as he he placed Peter’s bags down on the floor. After the long and loud grilling Peter had received from Tony when he’d come home after sneaking out as Spider-Man, the man had decided that maybe a change in scenery would do Peter some good. Hence why he was staying over at Clint’s for a few nights.

“I was fine,” Peter rolled his eyes.

“And how was i meant to know that?” His Dad’s glare hardened before he turned to Clint with a small smile. “Thank you for having him for a few days.”

“It’s no problem,” Clint shrugged, giving Tony’s hand a small shake. Ever since the end battle and Thanos had been killed, neither men really knew how to act around the other. Things had been strained between the pair ever since the Accords but their shared desire to get their kids back had partially cleared up their differences during the whole Time Heist thing. Now, however, with Nat dead, Thor off-world, Steve being old and Bruce doing who-knows-what, they had no real reason to stay in contact.

“This will be fun, right Pete?” Clint gave Peter a small nod before walking off to give father and son a second alone. 

Peter still remembered when this man used to be the biggest prankster he knew. They used to spend hours telling jokes and trying to catch the other Avengers off guard with a practical joke (Natasha always spotted them from a mile away). 

Now, though, Clint was less like the funny Uncle that Peter remembered from his childhood. The 5 year ‘blip’ hadn’t been kind to him, with his entire family turning to nothing and leaving him in a state of grief that only the hope of time travel had been able to bring him out of. 

The man now sported a mohawk and thousands of tattoos up his arms and on his chest, marking the time he’d spent as a broken man. The light was dimmed in his eyes, no doubt the memories of those he’d slain during his 5 year murder spree still fresh in his mind.

Sometimes Peter forgot that he wasn’t the only one who was affected by the ‘blip’.

“I’ll see you in two days, okay kiddo?” His Dad placed both hands on Peter’s shoulders, something unreadable in his face. For a second, Peter thought his Dad would cry. It was strange how more emotional and willing to show his emotions his Dad had become during Peter’s time being ‘blipped’. He guessed finally becoming a family man did that to a person.

Peter didn’t say anything back, instead opting to just look at his father like he was trying to figure out who he was. “You call me if you need anything, alright?” His Dad carried on, one hand coming up to brush some hair out of Peter’s face. “Don’t hesitate to call.” 

They hugged before his father left, his Dad bending his neck down so his face could be pressed into Peter’s shoulder, breathing in his son’s scent before pulling away. “Be good for Clint and Laura!” He called before climbing into his car and driving off back to where his wife and daughter would be waiting in their cabin home.

Peter wondered if they would prefer it when he wasn’t there.

——————

It turned out that the two days spent with Clint and his family actually did wonders for Peter’s mood. The happiness that bounced around the Barton’s farm was so infectious that it made Peter realise that the people coming back from the ‘blip’ was actually a good thing. Families had been stitched back together and friends reunited. 

The only weird thing was Peter watching the Barton children interact. Nathaniel was around the same age as Morgan, his loud and rambunctious behaviour just like Peter’s own sister’s. As he watched Cooper and Lila interact with their younger brother, he couldn’t help but feel guilty about how he’d been ignoring the little girl during the months since he’d been ‘blipped’ back.

“Would you like some more meat?” Laura approached Peter hesitantly on his last day. His Dad would be picking him up around 6pm, having already texted to say he was almost there and excited to see Peter. In celebration, Clint had decided that the nice weather meant it was time for a BBQ.

“No thanks,” Peter shook his head, the morose feelings coming back now that he knew he would be going home soon. Going back to the cabin by the lake where his father had created a whole new life. Peter wondered if Tony sometimes missed the 5 years where Peter had been gone and he’d been able to start over again, doing the whole having a kid thing right the second time round.

“Clint made way too much so if you want anymore, all you have to do is pick up a fork,” she smiled sadly at him. They’d never been close. Despite Peter and Cooper being around the same age, the Starks and Bartons had never truly interacted on a personal level. He’d seen Clint’s kids on occasion, normally with his Aunt Nat more than his Dad, but they’d become close friends.

“Thanks Mrs Barton.”

“Call me Laura, Peter,” the brunette took a seat beside the teenager on the bench. Peter’s untouched food laid before them as they both watched the Barton kids laughing and playing on the field in front of them. “Are you alright?”

Peter wasn’t sure why he decided now would be a good time to voice his worries. “If Clint had moved on during the 5 year ‘blip’, what would you have done?”

Laura looked taken aback at his question, making Peter want to back track.

“Uh sorry, i shouldn’t have asked— that was rude, uh—“

“I don’t know what i would’ve done,” Laura cut in, answering his question. “Technically i was dead for 5 years and no one truly believed that those who had ‘blipped’ could come back until Scott Lang suggested it. If he had moved on, it would hurt me, yes, but he would’ve had every right. No one deserves to be alone.”

Peter nodded, taking in her words. Should he then be happy that his Dad had moved on?

“But Peter,” Laura leaned in closer to him, something soft but hard in her eyes. “Let me make this one thing clear: people can move on from relationships but they can’t move on from children.”

Peter clung to that for the rest of the evening until his Dad arrived to pick him up. “I missed you,” he sobbed into his Dad’s shoulder when the man stepped out of his car. “I wanna go home.”

For the first time since Peter had been brought back, he accepted that the cabin by the lake was now his new home.

——————

“How’s school going, buddy?” Uncle Rhodey asked when Peter climbed into his car only 5 minutes after the school bell had rung for the end of the day. He’d been back at Midtown now for around 2 and a half weeks, restarting the year from the beginning despite having ‘blipped’ when he’d been in the middle of Midterms. 

“Weird, i guess,” Peter answered honestly. Where he danced around the truth with his Dad, Peter knew he couldn’t hide anything (or want to) from his Uncle. Rhodey had been in his life from the day he’d been born and he’d been by his side throughout everything. When his Dad had been kidnapped by terrorists in ’08, it had been Uncle Rhodey who’d held Peter that first night as the boy cried and promised with his whole heart that he wouldn’t stop until he found the young boy’s father.

“Weird how?”

“Well, there’s this kid: Brad, right? And he used to be 5 years younger than me; he was super whiney, he cried a lot and had nosebleeds literally everyday. But now, he’s the same age as me, super ripped and we sit next to each other in Chemistry. I literally don’t know who half of my classmates are and the ones who didn’t ‘blip’ are now 22 years old— some of them are even married and have kids! I found out today that the girl i used to sit next to in Maths now has twin sons! And i’m still just 16.”

“You still have your friends, right?” Uncle Rhodey spared him a glance, frowning gently. “Ned and that scary MJ girl? They ‘blipped’ too? I swear Tony said they did.”

“Yeah,” Peter nodded. “They did. I guess that’s my only saving grace. At least some people didn’t move on from me,” he sighed out the last comment, not really realising what he’d said until he’d uttered the words.

“What?” Rhodey’s voice became sharp. Peter had only ever heard it directed at his father before when his Uncle called his Dad out on bullshit. “What you on about ‘moving on from you’?”

“Oh, uh, nothing,” Peter shrugged, face going red as he tried to brush it off. “It was a dumb comment—“

“Yeah, you’re right it was a dumb comment,” Rhodey took a corner too sharp, making them both jolt in their seats. “Moving on from you, pssh,” he rolled his eyes like it was the dumbest comment he’d ever heard. “You really think we could move on from you Peter?”

Peter frowned, not liking how his Uncle was stomping all over his feelings. Sure, he knew it was dumb but it was how he felt. “It’s not a bad thing,” he shot back (even though he totally thought it was). “I’m just saying! You guys moved on! That’s okay! I don’t expect you to have grieved forever!”

“Oh shut up,” Rhodey growled, becoming more and more angry as his nephew carried on. “Nobody moved on.”

“Dad got married!” Peter didn’t mean for his voice to raise but he was trying to get his point across. “He moved house! He had another child! Morgan’s 4, meaning Dad and Pepper didn’t even wait a whole year before settling down after my death and starting afresh! And that’s okay! He deserves to be happy!”

Uncle Rhodey rolled his eyes, suddenly indicting right so he could pull over and give his nephew his full attention. “Right, you listen here and you listen well, okay?” He was hardly ever this harsh on Peter but times like this tested his patience. “Do you know what the first thing your Dad said when him and Nebula finally came back to Earth? No? He said: I lost my kid. That was the first thing he said. 

Were you there during the 5 years that people were ‘blipped’ for? No. You didn’t see how broken your Dad was. You didn’t see him at your funeral— because that’s right, we had one. We didn’t have anything to bury or anything to scatter but we still had one.

The reason your Dad moved house was simply because being in the home you once lived in but would never come back to again, hurt in more ways than you can imagine. He chose the house furthest away from the city and the most unlike the other houses you both had lived in because the memory of you hurt too much. 

He married Pepper because he knew it would’ve been what you would’ve wanted. He knew you would want him to be happy so he married the woman he loved— the woman who has been nothing but a mother to you. You didn’t see how they both cried at the reception, both of them knowing like a stab to the heart that you weren’t in that room and never would be again.

You didn’t get call after call after call of your Dad crying in the early hours of the morning because he’d had another nightmare about you ‘blipping’ in his arms. You didn’t see him on your birthday that first year, the year you really should’ve turned 17. Only Pepper had been able to drag him out of bed and for the rest of that day all he’d been able to do was stare blankly at the walls, dissociating like hell.

When Pepper fell pregnant with Morgan, it was an accident. They hadn’t planned for it and for the first few months, Tony had been a wreck. But then she was born and we all knew how much you would’ve loved your baby sister. You were the first thing Tony told her in the morning and the last thing he’d tell her before bed. Morgan knew who you were before she could even walk or talk properly.

You are the only reason that the people who were ‘blipped’ came back, Peter. Your Dad did it all for you. He made the tech, designed the suits, helped formulate the plan . . . all because he knew he wouldn’t be able to live another day without getting you back because the pain was honestly just that horrible.

So yes, life moved on and we all aged and changed but no, we did not move on from you. I don’t think your Dad could’ve even if he tried— which he would never do.”

——————

“I love you,” Peter whispered to his Dad later that night when Morgan was asleep and Pepper was sitting in the living room reading a book. His Dad had been channel hopping, Pepper’s legs in his lap, whilst Peter was once again curled up on the single sofa beside them. “Both of you, i love you.”

“We love you too,” Pepper smiled, putting her book down as she looked at the boy who was her son in all but blood. Ever since the day Tony had brought the kid home, back when she’d still been his PA trying to maintain a professional relationship, she’d always known Peter would have a place in her heart. The kid just had eyes that made any person’s heart melt.

“More than you know,” his Dad added, looking at Peter like he was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. He had something bright in his eyes that just screamed i love you.

Peter smiled, turning his head back to the movie his Dad had finally settled on. After his chat with Uncle Rhodey, Peter felt as if he did know just how much he was loved. And missed.

——————

“Can we talk?” Tony knocked on his son’s door later that night. Pepper had gone to bed now, meaning it was just Peter and Tony, the original night-owls, who were still up.

“Sure,” Peter turned off his music and watched as his Dad walked into his room, sitting down on the bed beside him. He’d been expecting this chat from his Dad in all reality.

“22 years ago,” his Dad cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at Peter as he spoke. “Your mother came to me and told me she was pregnant. We’d both been drunk at the time of your conception and i’d honestly never expected to see her again but then there she was, 3 months later and telling me she was carrying my child. 

I know what the news and the gossip columns all said. For some reason it got leaked that you were dumped on my doorstep and i had no choice but to take you in. But that wasn’t true. I’ve never told you this and i’m not really sure why i never did.

You weren’t dumped on me Peter. Your mum made it clear she was not ready to have a baby; the only reason she’d told me she was even pregnant in the first place was out of the curtsey that i was the baby’s father and she believed i had a right to know of your existence. She was going to have an abortion.”

Peter didn’t know what to say as he listened to his Dad. He’d always assumed the articles had been right and that Peter had just been dumped in his father’s care.

“I begged her not to,” Tony carried on. “I’ve never begged for anything in my life but there i was, asking her to do me the massive favour of carrying you to full term. It was her body and therefore her choice but i so desperately wanted you— more than i’d ever wanted anything in my life. I never thought i would be a good father, i mean, mine was pretty shit so i had no examples to base myself off of. 

But it’s always the way, isn’t it? You don’t know what you want until you think it’s gone. I thought i was going to lose you and i realised in that moment how much i wanted you.”

His Dad cleared his throat, still looking off to the side as he carried on. “Anyway, as you can tell, your mother had you and gave you to me. I’ve second guessed everything i’ve ever done, kiddo, but i never second guessed you. I knew the second i held you that having you was the best decision i ever made.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Peter whispered, his throat tight as he stared at his father.

“Because i need you to know how much i love you,” Tony turned his gaze onto Peter, one hand coming up to squeeze his son’s shoulder. “Rhodey told me about what you guys spoke about in the car. I’m sorry if i ever made you feel like i forgot or moved on from you kiddo. I never could.”

“It was stupid,” Peter shook his head. “Please forget i ever said anything to Uncle Rhodey.”

“No, i won’t forget,” Tony frowned, his hand falling down onto the mattress when Peter shuffled away so he was leaning against the headboard of his bed, putting distance between him and his father. “Because if this is how you’re feeling then we need to address it.”

“I don’t want to address it,” Peter gritted his teeth. He honestly didn’t want to talk about it right now but something told him his Dad wasn’t going to let it drop.

“Tough,” his Dad crossed his arms, giving Peter an unimpressed look. “You need to talk to me more, Peter.”

A rush of anger coursed through Peter’s veins; he wasn’t sure where it came from or why but it was there, burning brightly. They’d been doing such a great job dancing around the obvious fact that his father had tried to move on and change that it was annoying Peter that Tony was choosing now to try and talk it through.

“I don’t want to talk to you more!” Peter’s voice raised unintentionally, shuffling off the bed so he no longer felt like a little kid waiting to be tucked in by his Daddy. He was meant to be 22 years old. 

“What have i done kid?” Tony’s own voice raised slightly before he attempted to control his temper, bringing his voice back down as he pinched the bridge of his noise. “What have i done, kid? Just tell me. You’re being more distant lately and i get it if you think that i moved on, it must be hard coming back and finding out you have a new stepmom and sister but Peter, seriously, i never forgot you or tried to replace you.”

“You got rid of my stuff,” Peter grumbled, frowning from where he stood. “You gave my Rabbit to Morgan— who completely messed it up by the way! My room at the Compound is completely destroyed! You’re no longer Iron Man! You changed!”

His Dad got up off the bed, walking forward until he was in front of Peter. His left hand went up into Peter’s hair, running through the curls in the way he always did. “I didn’t forget you,” he said again, more forceful this time. “I don’t think you get it. You died, Peter. You turned to dust in my arms— my pride and joy, the light in my life, the person i loved the most in the world: died. I couldn’t ever forget you.”

“But—“

“No buts,” Tony’s hand got harder on Peter’s shoulder, the hand in his hair moving down to the kid’s chin so he could tilt it up and look into his son’s eyes. “I got rid of all your stuff because after 3 years of losing you, i couldn’t stand to see it anymore. The memories your furniture and belongs held were too much. I couldn’t stand to see the Star Wars posters you would never see again or Legos you would never play with once more. Seeing your things and knowing you were no longer around to use them, it was like getting punched in the gut everyday.”

“Dad—“

“No, i’m not done. As for your Rabbit: it was the only thing of your stuff that i kept. I couldn’t part from it for some reason. Whenever i thought about throwing it away i would have a panic attack just thinking about how much you had loved that toy. Morgan found it one day and when i explained to her that it used to be her big brother’s, she refused to part from it. And i’m sorry it lost an eye but when i say she refused to part from it, i mean she would literally take it everywhere. At one point she screamed bloody murder when she thought she’d lost it. So, yeah, it got a little messed up but only because she loved it so.”

“I didn’t know—“

“I’m still talking,” his Dad cut him off once again. “And about Iron Man: there was no point being him if you weren’t around.”

“What?” Peter was stumped, confusion crossing his face.

“Pete, i became Iron Man for you,” his Dad moved one hand back up to Peter’s hair, his eyes full of sincerity as he spoke. “When i was in that Afghan cave, the only reason i made the original suit was so i could get out of there and see you. The entire time i was being held by the Ten Rings, my thoughts were with you only.

I just kept thinking: how am i going to get back to Peter? And then after 2012, with aliens coming down from space and Manhattan being threatened to be nuked, i just knew that i couldn’t stop being Iron Man. I had to protect the one thing i couldn’t live without: you. Pepper too but mostly you. 

Being Iron Man was all for you. To keep you safe. And then Thanos snapped his fingers and i lost you anyway.

You dying, Peter, it broke me,” his Dad spoke with such seriousness that Peter couldn’t help but feel tears begin to form. “It really, truly, broke me. I’d never known pain like that before. Seeing you die, seeing you turn to dust . . . a part of me died with you. The part that would stop at nothing to keep you safe died. My heart was broken and when i was stuck on that ship with Nebula, floating in space, all i wanted was to die so i could see you again.”

“Dad, i’m so sorry,” tears slipped down Peter’s cheeks as he realised how much pain his father had gone through.

“Don’t apologise,” Tony leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Peter’s forehead. “Getting ‘blipped’ wasn’t your fault. The reason i stopped being Iron Man was because i no longer had meaning to. You weren’t around and i honestly didn’t care if there was a threat and my life was at risk. And you’re right, i did change. I’m a different man to who i was 5 years ago; i’m different because i experienced a heartache like no other. You died and that changed me. 

I didn’t change because i married Pepper and we settled down and had another kid. I didn’t change because i gave up the superhero lifestyle. I didn’t change because i realised money honestly, truly can’t buy you happiness or fix the unfixable. 

I changed because a part of my soul died. Because you died.”

Peter leaned forward, pressing his head into his Dad’s chest and sobbing. “Is that why you destroyed my room? Were you mad i died?”

“Actually that was Pepper,” Tony kissed Peter’s crown, pressing his face into Peter’s hair. “When she found out that you were one of those who’d been ‘blipped’, she broke down screaming and completely lost it. Rhodey had to physically grab her because she was breaking down so hard, she almost passed out.”

Peter swallowed, trying to wipe the image of Pepper, the only woman in his life who’d ever resembled his mother, breaking down after his death. 

“I’m sorry i’ve been so distant,” he mumbled later when the crying stopped.

Tony just kissed Peter’s cheek again, pulling him in closer. “I don’t care. I’m just glad you’re here. You have no idea how much i missed you, Peter.”

Yeah, Peter thought, he was starting to.

——————

Peter took a deep breath as he stepped into the living room. He would usually avoid going outside his room unless forced to on the weekends, much preferring to stay alone and wallow in the feelings of loss and confusion that had been circling his brain. But after his chat with his Dad, Peter realised that everything he’d been feeling had never even applied.

Morgan was laying on the floor, a whole pile of Legos splayed out around her as she began to build something. Judging by the look of concentration on her face, Peter could tell she was planning something big. She looked just like him whenever he was going to build something super cool.

Peter could feel his Dad’s eyes on him as he walked forward to where Morgan was laying in the middle of the room. He drew in a deep breath, making sure he wasn’t about to sit on anything as he lowered himself down onto the ground.

“Uh, hey Morgan,” Peter spoke softly, attracting the little girl’s attention. “Can i join you?”

Morgan studied him for a second, no doubt questioning why now, after months of being practically ignored by him, that her brother was finally putting in some effort. Peter actually thought she was going to say no when the 4 year old suddenly nodded, a large smile blooming across her face. “Sure!”

“What you making?” Peter could see his Dad’s face out of the corner of his eye, the large smile on the man’s face making Peter blush. 

“A Death Star!” Morgan chirped up, grabbing all the grey pieces off the floor. “Daddy said you made one before.”

“So you wanna copy me?” Peter frowned, wondering why on hell the little girl was still looking up to him after he’d been such a bad brother to her since coming back. Morgan really looked at him like he’d hung the stars despite it all.

The smile on Morgan’s face dimmed, worry crossing her face. “Are you mad?”

Peter swallowed hard, shaking his head as he smiled down at her. “Of course not. I can teach you how to make one, if you want? We can make it bigger than it was last time!”

“Yay!” Morgan cheered, jumping up to wrap her chubby arms around Peter’s neck and kiss his cheek in a way Peter was sure she copied from their father.

“Considering i’m the engineer, do you two want some help?” Their Dad butted in several minutes later when the two kids were beginning to make their Death Star. The smile on his face was knowing, the look he gave Peter showing just how happy and proud he was.

“No Daddy,” Morgan shook her head, paying her father no attention. “This is me and Petey’s Death Star.”

“Yeah Dad,” Peter teased back, shooting his Dad a smirk. “This is me and Morg’s Death Star.” He chuckled when Tony walked away, muttering something about traitors.

Never again did Peter doubt his family or their love. He knew where he belonged, right here in this tiny cabin house with his sister beside him and his parents watching them play with smiles on their faces.

Because for the first time in what felt like a really, really long time, Peter was actually happy.


	2. A Father's View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the 5 years Tony spent grieving for his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this series is all about one-shot prompts but this fic got SO much love (thank you so much for every comment, kudos and every person who read it, it means so much) so i decided to do a part 2 focusing on Tony's perspective of the 5 years when Peter was gone.
> 
> this is basically all angst wow i'm so mean!!!!!!!!
> 
> i hope u like it :)

When Tony Stark had held his son for the first time, he’d been terrified. Happiness and awe had circled around in his heart too but the main emotion he’d felt was complete and utter fear. His hands had shaken when he’d tried to cradle Peter’s head for the first time, completely aware that what was in his arms was possibly his heart personified into one perfect little human. It felt as if his heart had grown and leapt out of his chest to become the baby he was now cradling with complete awe.

Peter was perfect from the moment he’d been born. The Hospital he’d been born in had been loud, Mary was still wailing as she was forced to deliver the after-birth, the midwives now being the ones to give her encouragement and hold her hand now that Tony was preoccupied. The Doctor had been yelling at her to keep pushing and the monitor had continued its heavy beeping but Tony blocked all of those noises out.

The second the midwives had placed Peter in his waiting arms, that was all that had mattered. No other sound or movement compared to his baby son’s gentle mewing and how he gently waved his tiny arms around like he was experiencing everything for the first time (which he was). Peter’s blanket was a cream colour, wrapped around him like a snuggly burrito which the kid had already almost wriggled out of. 

Tony had been entirely entranced by his son’s baby blue eyes staring up at him, both orbs round and wide as they saw their Daddy for the first time, that he’d almost missed Mary finally ending her labor after 6 hours of screaming and crying. They’d made the deal when she’d first told him of the pregnancy that Tony would be the one to raise the kid and she would have no part in his upbringing or life. She’d refused to even hold Peter when he’d been born.

“Don’t tell me his name,” Mary had whispered as she’d sat in the Hospital bed, the Doctor moving away after the afterbirth was thrown away. She was panting heavily, her face looking gaunt as she stared at the new father holding the baby by the foot of her bed. “I wish you both the best.”

That was the last time Tony Stark ever saw her.

August 10th 2001 was the single best day of Tony Stark’s life. It beat his College Graduation, passing summa cum laude at the young age of 17 and it beat the day he finally finished making DUM-E, turning the bot on for the first time. It beat meeting Rhodey or his first successful weapons pitch after he took over the company. 

Every single milestone in Tony’s life paled in comparison to the day his son was born.

When Tony Stark held his son for the last time, he’d been terrified. Titan was looming all around them, the broken debris and rock littering the floor of the alien planet like a mockery of the fact they’d lost. The Time Stone had been taken— or more accurately, it had been given away by Bleecker Street’s Magic Act. They’d lost; failure crept up, eating away at Tony’s flesh as he’d silently prayed Steve could do better. 

The best day of Tony’s life had been when Peter had been born, the worst day he could ever possibly live through was the day Peter died. It had started with confusion at first, the mixed up group of Guardians and remaining Avengers coming together to mourn the fact they’d lost when the antenna girl (Tony hadn’t really been sure of names) had stated that something was wrong. 

Less than two seconds after her worrying statement, a look of horror had crossed her face as her body began to break off into tiny particles and she was swept away in the wind. Mr Clean followed shortly after, looking towards Quill when he’d faded away. Then Quill disappeared with nothing but slightly worried acceptance.

The Bleecker Street Wizard had said something about this being the only way before he’d turned to dust, everything about his posture just accepting his fate. He hadn’t even seemed worried when his body started to disappear.

Tony had locked eyes on the blue alien standing a few feet away, there was something haunted about her expression as she’d looked over to where her friends (or acquaintances?) had once stood. He’d turned his head and waited for his turn. Tony had wondered if he would be able to feel something wrong was happening like the antenna girl or if he would casually slip away like Quill. Were his friends okay? Was Pepper currently turning to nothing in this moment? Were Rhodey and Happy still standing?

“Dad, i don’t feel so good,” Peter’s voice had cut through Tony like an axe. It was like every cell in his body jumped and started screaming no, no, no because Tony knew if Peter didn’t feel good that wasn’t a good thing. This wasn’t like when Peter had been little and he’d woken up in the nights with a stomach ache. This wasn’t something he could brush over when he’d literally just seen people fade into nothing.

“You’re okay,” Tony tried to remain strong when Peter collapsed in his arms, throwing all of his weight onto his father’s form as Tony wrapped his arms around his son and held him tight. Did Peter feel lighter than usual or was Tony’s mind playing tricks on him? 

At some point they ended up on the floor, Peter’s terrified eyes boring into Tony’s as he cried and mumbled he didn’t wanna go. (I don’t wanna go, please Dad, i don’t wanna go.) But there was nothing Tony could do when Peter’s body slowly started to break away, brown little specs flying off in the wind as their eyes met for the last time.

The first time Tony had seen Peter’s eyes, they’d been baby blue and full of wonder and hope. The last time Tony had seen Peter’s eyes, they’d been brown just like his but full of tears and fear. 

Even though he’d been expecting it from Peter’s very first ‘I don’t feel so good’, Tony was unable to contain his sob when Peter’s head finally turned to dust. He stumbled forwards slightly, his hand that once cradled his son’s head, like he had the day he was born, now grasping for nothing. Brown flakes caked his skin as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

“He did it,” the blue alien’s voice was deep, like she, too, was trying to stop herself from breaking down. Tony wondered if she’d ever thought there was a chance they would win. She was Thanos’ daughter, Tony knew that much— had she really thought they’d even stood a chance?

Tony hadn’t replied to her statement, opting to just stare off into Titan’s abyss; he sat silently for what seemed like hours, watching the small particles of what once was 5 people— one of whom had been his entire life— drift off in the air.

Almost as if they’d never even existed at all.

——————

Floating around in Space with Nebula, who was now his friend thank you very much, would’ve been more terrifying if death even scared Tony anymore. He’d only thought death was scary when you had something to lose, something or someone to leave behind. Flying through the wormhole back in 2012 had been his biggest nightmare simply because the coldness of space had started to break through his suit and all he’d been able to think about was Peter back home, no doubt crying over the fact his father’s body would never be recovered. He’d float around in the vastness of Space and Peter would never even be able to say a proper goodbye.

But Peter was now dead.

It was cruel that a parent should outlive his child but Tony had never known the world to be fair. He didn’t even anything that he could bury. All he had left were the pieces of dust stuck under his fingernails that Tony wasn’t even completely sure he wanted to wash away.

The food and water had now run out, the rations had finally come to an end and there was nothing but an emptiness in both Tony’s stomach and heart. He really didn’t care if he died. Sure, dying of oxygen depletion wasn’t the most heroic ways to go but he already felt dead. Even though his body hadn’t been dusted on Titan, his soul had.

When Carol Danvers appeared outside their ship, glowing a brilliant gold and looking exactly like the hero she was, Tony wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad to be saved.

——————

“I lost my kid.”

——————

The first few days of being back on Earth passed in a blur to Tony’s sleep deprived, dehydrated and malnourished brain. Days seemed to blend together with no clarity or sense of time; he vaguely remembers yelling at Steve before taking out his IV drip and collapsing. The yelling blurred in his head, words he wasn’t sure he said running around in his mind as he slept in the med-bay with only Pepper, Rhodey and Happy as his visitors.

Pepper hadn’t stopped crying ever since Tony had finally placed his feet back down on the ground. Titan was left in the dust but the events of what happened there were permentantly burned on his heart. It was like the saying you could take the boy out of Titan but couldn’t take the Titan out of the boy. That place, no matter how many thousands of light years away it was now, would forever haunt his nightmares until the day he died.

No one had to say the horrid words or truth. No one had to ask where Peter was. No one had to ask if Tony was okay. It was clear as day written across his face: the heart break and the loss of hope that was now etched into his skin. Tony looked a hundred years older now, his skin sagging and the bags under his eyes making him look already half dead. Even when he reached a healthy weight and was deemed well enough to leave the med-bay, it seemed more like a ghost than a man who left.

It turned out Thanos had done exactly what he wanted to do: half the population had mysteriously vanished. Wanda, the girl with so much promise who Tony had only ever wanted to protect, was gone. Sam and Bucky, Steve’s two best friends and loyal companions, had vanished too. The Ant-man dude for the Germany fight had disappeared as well, along with the renown scientist Hank Pym and his wife and daughter. The Build-a-Bear Racoon with a deep voice had lost all the Guardians and Groot. . . Wakanda’s King and Princess . . . Nick Fury and Maria Hill . . . 

There wasn’t one person on the face of the Earth who hadn’t been affected by Thanos’ snap. Even if they’d survived turning to dust, someone they knew whether a friend or family member, hadn’t been so lucky. Lives had been lost in plane crashes when the pilots suddenly disappeared, cars had veered off the streets when their passengers turned to dust, suicide rates had increased by 200% and the amount of petty thefts ending in trigger-happy confrontations were on the rise.

Everything was going to shit in every sense of the phrase. It was like a dark cloud loomed over the planet, everyone walking with their heads down and posting touching tributes to those dusted on their social media. Tony had almost blowtorched his laptop when he’d read the fan tributes to his son, people who admired the great Tony Stark taking to his social media to say sorry for his loss. 

“Stop reading those,” Pepper had pulled his laptop away one night when she’d found him scrolling through his phone, frowning. “It’s only going to make you more upset.”

Tony was about to do what she said, he was about to put his phone down and fall into exhaustion like always when he scrolled through Twitter to see a picture of his son’s face. He sucked in a deep breath, feeling tears well up in his eyes as he stared down at the picture of Peter’s school photo. It was an old picture, Tony could tell. Peter’s hair was shorter and he was wearing the AC/DC he’s stolen from Tony for the day, just so he could look “cool” in his yearbook photo. 

The person who’d tweeted his son’s picture was a girl with red hair and a smiling profile picture. “RIP PETER STARK: To the boy who sat next to me in Math class and always made me smile, i miss you& wish this had never happened”. Her tweet was sweet and touching but not even her kinds words were enough to stop Tony’s stomach rebelling against him as he jumped out of the bed and raced to the bathroom. He knelt before the toilet, throwing up his dinner as Pepper rubbed calming circles on his back, sounding an awful lot like she was crying as she did so.

Tony had forgotten for one second that his son existed outside of the bubble that had been their family. Peter had attended school and made friends, he’d laughed with people in his class and he’d been more than just Tony Stark’s son to those who’d met him and liked him. There were other people out there who missed his kid not because he was a celebrity’s son but because he’d been their friend.

Tony didn’t stop retching until the sun had finally set on another day.

——————

They held a funeral for Peter about two months after Tony had returned to Earth. There had been no rush or need to do so considering there was no body to bury but Tony had insisted on it anyway. 

Never in Tony’s life had he thought he would need to plan his son’s funeral. He never thought he would ever have to even think about such things. It should’ve been the other way round and it should’ve been 40 more year in the future (if he’d been lucky).

Pepper had hired some men to come and dig a hole in the Compound’s garden, picking a spot right by the large tree where Peter used to sit sometimes in the summer as he did his homework. The second the men had arrived, Tony had fired them on the spot. He’d shoved a wad of hundreds in their pockets, taken their shovels and gone into the garden himself to dig the hole. 

Steve had come out a short while later, claiming he wanted to help but Tony had told him to get lost— except his words were a little more colourful than that.

It rained as Tony dug a hole so deep it exceeded the length of the shovel and he made sure the length of the hole was longer than what Peter’s height. Happy joined him halfway through, not saying anything as he picked up a shovel and started digging. His clothes had been sticking to his skin and there had been a frown on his face but Tony had understood there was no place Happy would have rather been.

The day of Peter’s funeral, Rhodey suggested they bury something of Peter’s so the hole in the ground didn’t look so empty. Pepper had even volunteered to phone a casket place so they could lower something into the ground but Tony had said no. He didn’t know why but he preferred the empty grave with no body or empty casket in.

So that was how they left it. Each of them gave a short eulogy, speaking from words written down on paper that could never express the true grief they felt beofre they threw the paper into the grave. Then they covered the hole back up with the dirt and walked away. It wasn’t much of a funeral service but then, Peter’s death hadn’t been much of a death.

Only Pepper, Happy and Rhodey attended. Tony had told the Rogues point blank that there was no chance he would let them come to his son’s funeral— not after everything they’d done and everything they’d missed. Steve had almost argued the point several times but even he knew that some battles could never be won. Although, Tony guessed the whole reason he was here now was because that statement was more than true.

(Despite banning the Rogue Avengers, Tony still saw Natasha lurking in the background after the short but simple service.

He didn’t call her out on it).

——————

Since the day Tony had come back to Earth, it had rained 33 times. Whether a light drizzle or full-blown storm, the rain was something Tony welcomed. When Peter had been little, he used to love the rain— or at least, he used to love playing in the rain. Tony himself had never understood the fascination; all you were doing was going out, getting wet and cold.

But Peter had loved it and Tony had loved him.

The first day it began to properly rain since Tony had been back and he’d left Peter’s ashes on an alien planet, he’d almost had a panic attack. His chest had constricted and his mind had told him ‘you’re going to die, you’re going to die, you’re going to die’. All he’d been able to think about when the sound of rain battering the roof of the Compound echoed through the corridors, were his memories of Peter running around in the garden. His hair had been matted against his face and his coat had clung to his body like it was glued but the kid had been happy. He’d laughed as he’d chased his father through the rain like nothing else mattered.

The second time it rained, Tony swallowed down the panic and went outside. He wasn’t dressed for the weather, being only in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans— he never would’ve allowed Peter to go out like this. Tony knew if Pepper found out she would scream bloody murder about how he was still recovering and catching a cold wasn’t going to help him.

But Tony didn’t care.

The rain fell down on him like buckets, each drop going straight through his clothes to his skin. The air was crisp and slightly bitter, the smell of the rain surrounding him. It was hard to tell if Tony was crying when he angled his face up towards the sky, the mixture of rain and tears running down his face as he took in a deep breathe.

He saw Peter standing before him, clothes stuck to his skin and his brown hair dripping droplets onto his face as he smiled. “You’re it,” Peter yelled before taking off down the Compound’s garden with a loud cheer.

Tony actually let himself breathe for the first time since returning from Titan.

——————

“This is Peter Stark’s phone, sorry i missed your call. I promise i’ll try and call back— one second, Dad!— when i can. Feel free to— seriously Dad, i’ll only be one more minute!— leave a message and i’ll listen to it, too. Bye!”

Tony dialled Peter’s number for the millionth time, pressing the phone to his ear as he waited to hear his kid’s voice just one more time. It was like a drug he could never get enough of, every sound and change in octave in Peter’s voice from the message forever burned in his mind. He could recite his kid’s words off by heart with his eyes closed. 

He was envious of his past self, the one who could be heard calling for Peter in the background of Peter’s voicemail message. That Tony was being his normal self, living his normal life with his normal(ish) alive son. That Tony hadn’t known what was going to happen to Peter. He couldn’t even remember when or why he’d been calling for his son in the message but all he did know was that Tony would do anything to go back to that moment whether it was two years before Thanos or two days.

No matter how many times he dialled Peter’s number just to hear the voicemail, it never fixed the hole Peter had left behind. It never made Tony feel as if he had his son back. (Because Peter could never come back and Tony was still reeling from that thought.)

Peter’s phone buzzed on the counter for the millionth time, never to be answered.

——————

“I like this house,” Pepper whispered the words into Tony’s ear as they sat on their new sofa in the new lake house they’d recently brought. The decision to move had been collaborative between the two of them, both deciding that the Compound had been too haunted by Peter’s memory in order to stay living there. 

Everywhere they’d gone, they’d seen him. He was in the kitchen, trying not to fall asleep into his cereal as the clock ticked before 7am. He was in the living room, sprawled out on the sofa watching Star Wars for the hundredth time. He was in his room, laying on his bed as he called his friends or scrolled through his phone. He was at the dinner table, eating all the food he could in little time. He was in the lab, talking a mile a minute as Tony worked.

It had been too much. The memory of Peter in everything they owned had been too painful. A fresh start, Pepper had said, is what we need. A new house. One away from the city because even New York was enough of a memory to stab Tony in the heart. When Peter had been 11 they’d moved to New York permanently and the kid had fallen in love with the city he’d been born in. 

Tony didn’t think he could stomach stepping anywhere near Queens.

The lake house was cute and secluded, the structure made out of wood and hidden behind a forrest of trees. It was the kind of place Tony knew he would’ve hated before Peter had died, his tech-savvy brain preferring the luxurious Malibu Mansion or even Stark Tower or the Compound. He used to prefer big houses. 

He was too numb for preferences now. At least having a lake house was so different from what he used to like meant there were no memories of Peter tainting it. Tony could sit on his new sofa and look around his new bedroom and not remember a time when Peter used to run in when he had a bad dream or used to jump on the bed to wake his Dad up. 

The house seemed colder without Peter there.

Tony’s heart seemed colder without Peter there.

——————

When Tony Stark had been 30 years old, a woman he’d slept with once and couldn’t even remember the name of, came to him and told him she was pregnant. Mary Fitzgerald had been a young woman with brown hair and a determined face who’d charged into his office one evening and demanded she speak to him.

Hearing the words “I’m pregnant,” Tony had felt ready to throw up. In seconds, his entire life had been flipped upside down and there was nothing anyone could do to turn it back to the way things used to be. He’d royally messed up and now some woman was carrying his child.

Except she hadn’t wanted it. Mary had gone off on a tangent how she wasn’t ready for motherhood and the foster system was messed up enough without adding another child into the mix so she’d decided on an abortion. She’d said the only reason she was here was because she felt as if the father, him, deserved to know. She hadn’t wanted money or fame, she’d just wanted to be a decent human being. 

The second the word abortion had been said, Tony had known he’d wanted the opposite.

When Tony Stark was 49 years old, his wife who was the love of his life, came to him one evening after dinner and told him she was pregnant. Pepper had bitten her lip, looking mixed between being happy and sad. She’d whispered “Tony, I’m pregnant,” into his ear and awaited his reaction.

The first time Tony had heard those words (and they’d actually been true) he’d panicked intensely over the fear that he’d turn out just like Howard. The second time Tony heard those words, he panicked intensely over the idea of opening up his heart once more when he’d already lost so much.

At the end of the day, things didn’t always change that much.

——————

When the 10th day of August rolled around, it felt like a normal day. The sun rose in the sky like normal, the birds sung in the trees by the lake house like normal and Tony woke up on the right side of the bed like normal. There were no dark, gloomy clouds that surrounded the house nor was there any terrible rain storms that threatened to drown any person walking outside.

In fact, August 10th was a beautiful day with the sun glowing on the water in the lake and the birds all singing the same tune as they weaved through the trees.

Tony squeezed his eyes closed once more the second he woke up, the sun shining through the window working better than an alarm. Pepper was already up and judging by the fact that her side of the bed was cold, she’d been up for a while. But Tony wasn’t ready to get up just yet so he closed his eyes and willed himself to go back to sleep.

He failed.

Which wasn’t surprising, he seemed to be failing a lot lately.

“I know you’re up,” Rhodey’s voice cut through his attempts to pretend to be asleep. His best friend seemed to never take a break in calling out his bullshit, even when he was grieving. 

“‘M not, ‘m asleep,” Tony mumbled, half of his face still pressed into the pillow. Maybe if he just laid still enough, his mind would be tricked into sleeping once more.

“Get up Tones, Pepper made breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.” Tony was pretty sure that if he ate, he would be sick. Just the smell of Pepper’s cooking wafting into the room was making him want to gag.

“You need to eat.”

“I don’t need to do anything.”

“Don’t do this— not today,” Rhodey’s voice almost broke by the end, his wobbly tones being enough for Tony to crack one eye open and take in his best friend standing by the door. The man was standing with his arms crossed, looking across the room at Tony like his heart was breaking into a million pieces.

Good, Tony had thought, at least Rhodey now knew how Tony felt every single day.

“I’m not arguing with you,” Rhodey sighed, walking closer to the bed. Tony could hear the soft whirring noises of his leg braces moving. “Please Tones, get up.”

It took another 17 minutes for Tony to finally drag himself out of bed, following Rhodey in a sort of hazy stumble as he made his way to the dining room where Pepper was waiting with wide eyes and a wavering smile. There was a stack of pancakes placed on the table and a large jug of syrup beside it. Tony wanted to gag at the sight.

“I’m not hungry,” he mumbled once more when Rhodey helped him get into a seat. This act seemed oddly familiar to 17 years prior when his best friend ended up being forced to take care of his drunken or hungover self after a night of heavy drinking.

“You don’t even want to try one?” Pepper’s voice was soft as she pushed the stack of pancakes closer to Tony with baited breath. One of her hands were gently placed over her flat stomach, reminding Tony that in a few short months, they would once again be a family of three. 

That thought itself was enough to make him want to vomit. Pepper let out a short gasp when her husband suddenly bolted from the table, making a quick dash to the sink before he started gagging up food that just wasn’t there. Rhodey’s hand met his back no less than a minute later, the soothing touch meaning to calm him down.

Their family should’ve been turning into four. Peter should’ve been at Pepper and Tony’s small but intimate wedding. He should have had Peter by his side just like he’d always imagined, his son smiling and nodding when his Dad finally said “I do”. Peter should know that he was going to be a big brother soon. He shouldn’t be just a memory or a smiling face in the pictures on the wall.

Peter should’ve been there, sitting at that dining table, eating all the pancakes he could as he smiled and laughed.

Tony knew now, without a doubt, that sometimes life really wasn’t fair because his son shouldn’t be eternally 16. His son should’ve turned 17 today. His son should’ve graduated highschool. His son should’ve fallen in love and married (preferably a lot sooner than Tony himself finally did). His son should’ve been the best big brother he could’ve been to the baby growing in Pepper’s stomach. He should’ve graduated College (MIT if Tony had any say). He should’ve had kids and been Uncle Peter to his unborn child’s future kids. He should’ve whispered “I love you” into Tony’s ear when he was finally too old to go on and he should’ve been the one to bury his Dad.

Not the other way around.

So yeah, Tony knew life was unfair because none of that would ever happen.

Peter hadn’t even passed his 17th birthday.

——————

They spent the rest of Peter’s birthday in silence. No one acknowledged the date or the importance of the day. No one said Peter’s name or voiced how much they missed him. 

None of them could do it because once they did, it made it all real. The second they voiced what they were all thinking, the whole pretence of acting as if everything was okay would end. They’d all realise that they really were spending Peter’s birthday alone without him— that it wasn’t a cruel nightmare but a reality none of them wanted to acknowledge.

So none of them spoke.

Tony put Star Wars on the TV and tried to pretend that Peter was sitting there with him.

——————

“Rhodey?” Tony kept his voice low as he spoke over the phone. It was late at night, Pepper was fast asleep and her belly was three sizes larger than normal. The baby was ready to come any day now and the thought of it made Tony restless. He could feel his hands start to shake just at the thought.

“Tones?” Rhodey’s voice was sleepy, the croaking of his words showing he’d been woken up. “What’s up? Is it the baby? Do i need to get ready-“

“The baby is still in Pepper’s stomach Platypus,” Tony whispered, sitting down on the floor of the dark kitchen as he listened to his best friend on the other line. “The bun is still cooking as they say.”

“Then what’s up, man?” 

It was sort of sad that Rhodey moved on so quickly, accepting that tonight was going to be another sleepless one as he talked Tony down from the ledge of his fears for the millionth time. He was used to late night calls from the billionaire now, having received thousands back when Peter’s death had been fresh. Tony had sobbed down the line to no end, spilling his guts to the person he knew he could trust and could make him feel even a fraction better.

“Do you think Peter would hate me if he were here right now?”

Of all the things Rhodey expected Tony to say, that hadn’t been it. “What? No! Of course not.”

“Really?” Tony didn’t seem to believe him.

“Why would he hate you, man?”

“Because it feels like i’m moving on from him,” Tony’s voice broke for a second, a sob rising to the surface. “Marrying Pepper . . . the new baby . . . it feels like i’m starting over away from him.”

“Tones, do you love Peter?”

“What? Yes, of course i do. How could you ask that Rhodey?”

“Then you aren’t moving on from him,” Rhodey made it sound so simple. “You know that saying: if you love something set it free?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s bullshit— in this situation, at least. Your love for Peter can’t be broken Tony, i’ve never seen such a caring and devoted father in all my life. And all of this would still be happening even if Peter were here, it’s just sadder because he isn’t. Life is still moving, yes, things are changing, yes, but your love for your son will stay the same and just because you’re having another kid doesn’t mean you’ll miss Peter less.”

“I miss him so much Rhodey,” Tony’s words were barely audible as he whispered them down the line. “It feels like my heart has been ripped out my chest and someones been stabbing it repeatedly with no mercy.”

Rhodey sucked in a deep breath, nodding even though Tony couldn’t see. He understood the feeling. Peter hadn’t been his son but he’d been the closest thing to it and Rhodey knew the pain he was feeling was what his best friend felt but doubled. No doubt it was killing him.

“I miss him too, he was a good kid.”

Tony chuckled lightly, his voice sounding heavy. “The best.”

“Do you remember that time he demanded he dress as you for Halloween?” The smile that came across his face was reminiscent of simpler times. He could see 8 year old Peter in his mind’s eye, dressed in a black suit with a goatee sketched on his chin and a pair of sunglasses on his nose. When the kid had first said he wanted to go as his Dad for Halloween, everyone had thought he’d meant Iron Man, buying him a toy suit and helmet to complete the look.

Turns out when he said he wanted to be Dad, he meant Dad. Tony had always been his hero, not Iron Man.

An actual laugh escaped Tony’s lips. “And you sulked for three days because you wanted Peter to go as War Machine.”

“I did not sulk!”

“Did too.”

The line went quiet for a little while as they listened to the other breathe, reminding themselves that they were still alive and there. Where others were gone, they’d stayed. Finally, Tony broke the silence again. “Rhodey? I’m glad my kid had you.”

“I’m glad i had your kid,” Rhodey whispered back. He could remember the first time he’d held Peter when Tony had asked him to be his son’s Godparent. Rhodey had almost cried as he’d replied back yes, of course he’d do it, and he’d made a promise right then to always protect Peter Stark with his life.

That promise didn’t mean shit now.

“I want you to be the Godfather to the little one on their way,” Tony bit his lip, half expecting Rhodey to say no. Was asking his best friend to be a Godfather again too much? 

“Tones,” Rhodey’s voice broke. “I would love to. I promise i won’t let you down like last time.”

“You’ve never let me down Honey bear, what happened with Peter wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours either.”

Tony made a tutting noise like he didn’t really believe him. “I’m gonna need you to tell my new kid all about their older brother, okay? Tell them all the Uncle stories i’m sure you have.”

Rhodey cracked a smile. “As if i was going to do anything other than that.”

The line went quiet once more. “Tones, i love you man. Things are going to be okay with the new baby— i promise. Peter would be happy for you. And i wish he was here too.”

“I better go,” Tony mumbled when he heard the sound of Pepper’s feet walking towards him. With her large belly she woke up a lot in the night now, starving and craving weird food. He bet he only had another minute before she found her husband on the floor with the phone pressed to his ear. “I’ll see you around Platypus.”

“See you, Tones.”

——————

“She’s perfect,” the nurse smiled at the happy couple as she went to leave the room. “One healthy baby girl; congratulations!” There was something giddy about the way her eyes shined, looking a lot like how people watched sunsets in beautiful destinations: with awe and inspiration. Tony couldn’t even blame her for the slightly over-emotional display of congratulations; it hadn’t been that long since Thanos and if people had learnt one lesson from the massacre it was to not skip over the beautiful moments in life. 

The nurse shut the door on the small family, leaving Tony, Pepper and their newborn daughter all alone. It was the early hours of the morning, the sun not even up in the sky yet but neither of them felt tired. Pepper’s labor had been short but enough time for both Happy and Rhodey to make it to the Hospital where they both now waited outside the door.

“She really is perfect,” Pepper mumbled, her eyes shining as she looked at the face of her newborn daughter. She was wrapped up in a pink blanket with a few small tuffs of brown hair lining her crown, proving she really was her father’s daughter.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, one of his fingers reaching out to stroke his child’s smooth skin. He’d almost forgotten how soft a baby’s cheek could be, running his forefinger over his daughter’s face with awe. Peter had had soft cheeks too and back then, when fatherhood had been terrifyingly new, Tony had been shocked at just smooth they’d been. He almost expected it now.

“I wish he was here,” Pepper’s voice hitched quietly as he sniffled, holding her daughter close to her chest like she was scared someone was going to come in and take her away. Just like they’d taken Peter. 

Tony almost didn’t reply as he watched his wife begin to cry, her tears rolling down her cheeks and dropping onto their daughter’s blanket. This was Tony’s second child and like an epiphany, Tony realised it wasn’t Pepper’s first either. 

Pepper had already been a mother for years before her daughter had been born.

——————

“And you brother’s name was Peter,” Tony whispered to Morgan like he did every night. She was currently falling asleep in his arms, her little mouth yawning as she slowly closed her eyes. “He had brown hair just like you and brown eyes just like i’m sure you’ll have soon. He liked LEGO and Star Wars and i’m sure if he were around, he would build so many LEGO Death Stars with you it would be insane. He would’ve loved you so much Morguna.”

Morgan was asleep by the time Tony finished his little speech, gently kissing her forehead before placing her in her crib. He stuck around for a few minutes more, watching over his daughter in case she needed him. 

There was no doubt in Tony’s mind that Morgan didn’t understand one word that her father said to her each nighttime. She was only a few weeks old. 

But that never stopped him from telling her all he could about her older brother. Because Tony owed it to his son to keep his memory alive.

Keeping Peter alive in the hearts of those Tony loved was almost enough to help mend his broken heart— almost but not quite.

——————

It was cold, that was all Tony knew. His fingers were shaking and even the large coat he was wearing wasn’t enough to stop the chill from running down his spine. He wasn’t sure if it was the bitter wind that made him shiver or whether it was his sadness that made his hands shake. 

The park was deserted given the early hour; the water looked gloomy in the dark light and the ducks swimming around looked less than happy than Tony remembered. In a few hours, this place would get busier but for now, he accepted the quiet. It gave him time to think.

There was no bread by his side as he sat back on the park bench, doing nothing but simply sit and take in the sight. This used to be one of Peter’s favourite things to do. Feeding the ducks had been so innocent and simple yet it had been their thing.

It had belonged to them.

Peter’s laugh echoed in his brain as he saw his son standing by the lake edge, throw a handful of ripped up bread into the water. The ducks all swarmed the area as Peter giggled and threw more. Each time Tony blinked, Peter seemed to get younger and younger. At first he was a teenager with floppy hair and a wide smile, then he was a pre-teen with round eyes and chubby cheeks and then he was a little kid with a toothy grin.

Each time Tony blinked, Peter remained perfect. He remained happy.

He’d considered bringing Morgan that morning, picking her up and packing her in the car like he’d used to do with Peter when the kid had been too tired to get up properly. He’d even considered buying bread and trying to recreate it all with her. Tony had been so close, his heart aching with the need to try and fill the hole Peter left behind that he’d stood outside Morgan’s door for 20 minutes.

That was until he came to the conclusion that he was never going to be able to fill that hole. Taking Morgan to feed the ducks wasn’t going to cover up his pain about not being able to do it with Peter. All it would do was take away how special that memory had been.

This was their thing. This had always, with no fail, made Peter smile like he had no care in the world. It had always made him giggle no matter how old he got. Feeding the ducks had been Peter’s happy place and by extension, Peter had been Tony’s.

Tony clung to that happiness.

——————

“Where do you think they are?” It was currently midnight and all the lights were turned off in their small lake house. Now was the time for sleeping, especially since the few month old baby was soon to awake from her nap. But judging by the way Pepper was tossing and turning, Tony guessed she was awake just like him.

“I don’t want to do this right now, Tony,” Pepper’s voice came back a few seconds later. She was more short-tempered than usual with Morgan keeping her up and Tony’s sudden questioning in the afterlife.

“But do you think they’re somewhere special,” even in the darkness, it was clear to tell he was near a breakdown. His voice was heavier than usual and his hands were shaking as they laid on the mattress. “Or do you think they’re just . . .”

“Don’t finish that,” Pepper’s voice was harsh but her fingers were soft as they brushed a strand of hair out of Tony’s face. “I don’t know where they are but i hope if they’re somewhere, that they’re happy.”

Tony nodded even though he knew she wouldn’t be able to see. Pepper sighed quietly, her hand stilling in his hair as she finally allowed sleep to consume her, her body wrapped around her husband’s. Tony wished he could sleep as easily as her but his mind was working against him.

Was Peter in Heaven right now? All his life Tony hadn’t believed Heaven existed, being a man of science. Never in his life had Tony wished he could be more wrong. All he wanted was for his son to be happy in some sort of afterlife, surrounded by family and his friends. 

His two best friends had been affected by Thanos’ snap as well; Tony wished they were up somewhere in the clouds laughing and making more jokes that Tony had never been able to understand. He wished Heaven had WIFI so Peter could watch all the Vine Compilations that he could and that there headphones for his kid to use so he could dance around in the sky to his favourite music. 

Tony hoped Peter wasn’t alone, sitting and waiting in darkness for his soul to be saved when there was no hope for him returning since the stones had been destroyed. He really hoped he wasn’t scared like he had been the last time Tony saw him. 

But most importantly, Tony wished that Peter wasn’t just simply gone. He wished there really was life after death if just so then it meant his son’s soul hadn’t truly been silenced. He just wanted Peter to be out there so Tony could come see him again when the time was right.

Tony prayed that the afterlife was real as he fell asleep.

——————

Tony was no stranger to nightmares. Given his life history and all the horrible things he’d been through, having nightmares were basically a given at this point in his superhero career. From Afghanistan to Peter crashing his plane, Tony had seen it all. Every nightmare was always the same though: he failed. He failed in saving the day, saving his family and saving the world.

Every night, Tony saw Peter turn to dust. His kid cried out and stumbled forward, latching onto him like Tony was his lifeline, mumbling over and over again that he didn’t wanna go. He didn’t wanna go. He wanted to stay. He wanted to live.

Peter yelled that he hated Tony for not saving him. He screamed that Tony was the worst father in the world. He cried and spat and said nasty things. 

And then he turned to dust.

The one difference about Tony experiencing nightmares now that he didn’t prior to Peter’s death was that when he woke up, Tony was still living his nightmare. It didn’t go away when he opened his eyes. 

His failure didn’t consist only in his dreams.

——————

“Daddy, a lady is here to see you!” Morgan yelled in her sing song voice, all high and shrill that made him cringe. At 3 years old, the little girl was absolutely adorable; a perfect mix between her mother and father with Tony’s good looks and Pepper’s warm attitude. She reminded him a lot of how Peter had been at that age, a ball of excitement with a heart of gold. Were all kids like this or had Tony just hit the jackpot twice?

He was currently working in his lab, tinkering around with the final touches of Pepper’s Rescue suit when Morgan came barging in with her news. Pepper was in the city for the day dealing with an SI fallout, meaning it was left to him to look after their 3 year old.

“Do you know who they are?” Tony frowned as he followed the little girl up the stairs. Morgan’s legs were a lot smaller than his so it took almost twice as long for them to walk up together. 

Morgan shook her head, her brown hair flapping around as she did so. “Nope!”

“Did you open the door by yourself?” Tony suddenly realised, kneeling down on the ground with a look of worry. Morgan had a habit of doing things she wasn’t supposed to, something both Tony and Pepper and had tried to get her out of doing. Opening the door to strangers was one of the reasons why.

Morgan didn’t reply but a look of guilt crossed her face as she realised she wasn’t supposed to do such things. 

“Morgan, you know you can’t do that. What have mummy and i said about opening the door when you don’t know who is on the other side?”

“But she looked nice!” 

Tony sighed, rubbing his forehead. He pulled Morgan in for cuddle, holding her tightly before kissing her cheek. When Pepper came home they’ll try and once again reinforce the stranger danger rule but for now, he was just glad that she was okay and whoever she’d opened the door to hadn’t been a kidnapper ready to make his life a living hell for round two.

“Did the person at least tell you her name?” Tony asked as he held Morgan on his hip and walked the distance to where the front door was haphazardly left half open by the three year old in her haste to get her Dad. 

“Nope.”

The woman standing on the porch, her hands clasped behind her back as she looked towards the lake, was someone Tony would be able to recognise anywhere. Her hair had changed (again), the blonde bob she’d sported when Tony had come back to Earth three years ago now grown out down past her shoulders. 

Natasha smiled at Tony when he opened the door wider, her wide lips pulled together tightly as she greeted an old friend. “Hi Tony,” her voice seemed huskier than usual and the usual teasing gleam in her eyes were now gone.

“Nat,” Tony cleared his throat, bending down to let Morgan stand on her own two feet. “Why don’t you phone mummy Morguna? Ask her what she wants for dinner tonight.” The little girl didn’t need to be told twice as she raced from the front door to where she knew the phone would be.

“Cute kid,” Nat’s eyes followed as Morgan raced away. “She has no issues with answering the door to people she doesn’t know but-“

“What do you want?” Tony cut in, not really in the mood for the small chit chat right now. He hadn’t spoken to her in almost 4 years now, having cut most ties with the remaining Avengers when he and Pepper had moved out of the Compound to the lake house. They’d all been doing fine separately in the 2 years before Thanos so they could all do fine separately in the years after.

“I found this,” Natasha seemed to realise there was no time for joking or casual conversation. Where she was looking at Tony with fondness like an old friend, he was staring back at her with nothing but a dead look. They weren’t friends anymore. “I thought you might want this back.”

The bunny she produced from behind her back made Tony’s heart stop and beat erratically in the space of two-seconds. He hadn’t seen it in so long for Peter had passed the age where he held onto it like a lifeline. The ears were bent slightly and the fur seemed in perfect condition still despite how much Peter had loved and clung to the rabbit throughout his childhood. Now that Tony thought about it, every memory he had of his son before the age of 12 all had that rabbit in it. 

Holding the bunny in his hand, Tony felt as if he had a piece of his son back. Peter’s body was gone, nothing but ash floating in Titan’s air, but the rabbit in his grip was proof that Peter had been a real person. He’d existed and he’d loved this rabbit more than anything in the world. 

Just staring at it made Tony’s heart bleed. “Uh, thank you,” he nods at Natasha awkwardly. It was strange how awkward they were around each other now, dancing around issues and avoiding the real talks that needed to be addressed. She’d once been one of the people he was most comfortable with in the world but now. . . Tony didn’t really know who she was anymore. Did he ever?

“I remember how much Peter loved that rabbit,” Natasha’s smile was small but it was there, her eyes seeing past him to a little boy who’d cradled the rabbit to his chest the first time they’d ever met. Tony wondered if that was how Natasha remembered his son: the little brown haired boy who’d begged her to teach him all her spy skills. 

“Yeah, he did,” Tony didn’t really know what to say. “You say you found it?”

Natasha nodded, her eyes giving nothing away. It was like a wall had been built up again. “It was one of the only things left behind when the crew came in to get rid of Peter’s stuff.” There was no accusation in how tone but Tony could understand if there had been. He’d sent all of Peter’s stuff away, either to be donated or thrown out— he hadn’t really cared as long as it had been gone. He wasn’t really sure why it had been important to him but he’d woken up one day and decided having his son’s room all made up in the Compound even though he was never coming back was too painful.

And anyway, most of the stuff had been destroyed during Pepper’s break down back in the early days of Peter’s death.

“Well, um, thanks for giving it back to me.” He nodded at her, looking back at the toy with a heavy heart.

“It was good seeing you Tony,” something flashed in Nat’s eyes for a second, something Tony knew she hadn’t wanted him to see. It was there one second and then she threw her walls back up to hide it. But it was too late, Tony had seen.

Loneliness. 

He wondered if it was the feeling of loneliness that had made her drive all the way from the Compound to his lake house just to give him a rabbit toy once belonging to his son. He wondered how deep that feeling ran now that she was leading the Avengers all by herself and was seemingly alone at the Compound as well.

After Tony had left, not wanting to be near those who had scarred his heart only a few years ago (6 years ago now) and wanting to escape his son’s ghost, the others hadn’t taken long to follow. From what Rhodey had told him, Barton was still MIA, taking it upon himself to massacre those he believed didn’t deserve to have survived the ‘blip’. Tony’s heart had almost broken when he’d found out that all of Clint’s family had been affected by Thanos— losing one son had been enough to break him; Tony couldn’t imagine losing three kids and his wife, too.

Steve had moved out not too long after he had, as well. He’s finally gotten that apartment in Brooklyn like he’d always wanted and the last Tony heard, he was running therapy sessions for those grieving the ‘blip’ still. Coupled with the fact that Rhodey was almost always somewhere else in the world trying to help, Bruce was turning himself into a mix between Banner and Hulk, Thor had moved to New Asgard and the rest of the Avengers had been affected by Thanos, Tony wondered how Natasha was coping by the Compound all by herself.

Judging by the look that crossed her eyes, not very well.

For a second he considered inviting her in for dinner. He opened up his mouth to yell for her to come back before she reached her car but the words died in his throat. Natasha smiled sadly as a last goodbye as she climbed into her car and Tony could do nothing but watch as she drove away to the emptiness of the Compound.

They weren’t friends anymore. She’d made that decision when she’d swapped sides in Germany, helping Steve and his parent’s killer to escape. She’d decided to cut all ties with him and escape the country. She’d been the one not there when aliens had invaded 4 years ago, leaving half the planet to turn to dust.

Natasha would never be an Aunt to Morgan the way she had been with Peter. That was just the way it was. 

And Tony hated that.

——————

The pain about losing Peter dulled after 5 years. It wasn’t gone— it could never be gone— and Tony still experienced weekly nightmares of his son’s death. He still felt his heart constrict when he looked at one of the pictures of Peter’s face or he watched as Morgan played with the rabbit she loved simply because it had belonged to her older brother. 

(He’d tried taking the rabbit away when he’d first seen her playing with it but Morgan had cried like someone was trying to kill her, yelling that she loved it and she needed it because it had belonged to Petey and she just wanted Petey. 

Me too Morgan, he’d whispered.  
He let her keep the rabbit.)

But the pain wasn’t as consuming now. It didn’t fill his bones and steal his breath away. It didn’t leave him in bed for days, too weak to get up and eat. He still went outside and raised his face up to the sky each time it rained but it felt less therapeutic now and more like a tribute to his son.

Morgan knew who Peter was, too. She spoke about him regularly, could pick him out in pictures. She asked for stories about him, smiling at the good parts and getting sad at the bad. She begged for LEGO just like Peter, stating she wanted to be just like him and she carried the rabbit toy everywhere she went because she said it was like he was there with her. 

After 5 years, Tony still wasn’t ready to move on but he was ready to accept. Peter was gone and there was no way he would come back; Thanos had snapped his fingers and taken away a part of Tony’s world, the only part that had mattered. Never again would Tony be the same.

For the first time since Thanos had wiped away half the Galaxy, Tony fully accepted his fate. 

—————— 

His fate changed when Scott, Natasha and Steve showed up at his lake house one afternoon, ready to pitch the Time Heist.

Tony didn’t even hesitate to say yes.

For the first time in 5 years, hope blossomed in his chest at the thought that maybe, just maybe, he could see his son again.

He would do whatever it takes to bring Peter back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously thank u to every comment, u guys made my day with each word


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